Firstborn Struggles: How I Built My Own Path

 

Growing up as the firstborn daughter in my family, I felt the weight of a unique responsibility. 

It’s that silent, shared understanding among many first daughters that we’re not just growing up for ourselves, we’re growing up for our families, too. 

There’s a belief that firstborns, especially daughters, are meant to carry the family forward, alongside our younger siblings, guiding them, supporting them, and sometimes even helping our parents in ways that are way beyond our years.

My story isn’t unique in this sense. It’s one that so many first daughters live every day, taking on responsibilities early, often without being asked, but simply because we feel it’s our role.

The Choice to Be Independent

When I was a teenager, I made a promise to myself to work hard and become independent. I didn’t want to rely on anyone else for things I could provide for myself. I wanted to become a woman who had her own value, her own voice, and her own path. 

This decision didn’t just pop up; it was a gradual realization that I needed to prepare myself for life in a way that would make me strong and capable.

Right after high school, I couldn’t bear the thought of just sitting at home and waiting for life to happen. 

So, I left home and moved to a new city, eager to experience the world and start earning my own money. I knocked on doors, searched for opportunities, and eventually landed a job as a “computer operator” with a small company. It wasn’t much, just N8,000 a month, but for a teenager starting out, it was a big deal.

Facing Hard Realities

That job taught me one of my first harsh lessons. After my first month, my manager told me he wouldn’t pay me unless I agreed to be his girlfriend. It was a gut-wrenching experience. 

I had worked hard, and yet here I was, being cornered with an ultimatum I’d never imagined. I refused his advances, of course, and I walked away without my pay. 

That moment stung, but it also made me stronger and more determined. It reminded me of my worth and taught me the importance of standing up for myself, no matter the cost.

The Role of Education and Learning

Education has always been important to me, not just as a formal pursuit but as a way to build myself up. Thankfully, I was able to go to university. But I didn’t just study; I worked jobs on the side, gathering experience, saving money, and contributing to my family. 

By the time I graduated, I already had years of experience under my belt and had started helping out with some bills at home.

Education, to me, isn’t confined to classrooms. It's about personal growth, self-learning, and developing the skills that make you capable and confident. 

I want every young woman to know that if school isn’t an option for you, that doesn’t mean your journey has to stop. There are countless ways to educate yourself, like online courses, webinars, podcasts, weekend workshops, and even learning from people around you. 

Your learning journey is what you make of it, and it can be just as rich and rewarding.

The Power of Skills

One of the most valuable things I’ve learned is the importance of developing skills. Skills are what make you resourceful, adaptable, and independent. 

They’re like tools you carry with you, helping you build the life you want. Whether it’s learning to write, design, cook, manage finances, or anything else, skills give you the freedom to create and explore your own path.

For me, learning practical skills has been key. It wasn’t just about earning a degree; it was about learning things I could apply every day. 

When I started working, I realized that possessing practical skills boosted my confidence and gave me a sense of independence that nothing else could. 

And it’s not about having everything figured out all at once. It’s about picking up small skills along the way and building on them as you grow.

Defining Myself Beyond Expectations

As the years have gone by, I’ve learned that independence and value come from a mix of experiences, choices, and lessons. 

I’ve grown from that teenage girl who left home to earn her own money into a woman who understands her worth, both to herself and to those around her. It’s been a journey, and I’m still on it. And I’m proud of every step.

Being a first daughter has given me strength, resilience, and an unwavering sense of purpose. 

I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, even the tough ones because they’ve shaped who I am today. 

I hope that by sharing my story, other young women might feel encouraged to pursue their own path, no matter the challenges.

To every woman out there, remember: independence isn’t about having it all figured out right away. It’s about taking small steps, learning, growing, and never forgetting your own worth. 

Life will throw you curveballs, but each one is a chance to stand taller and walk a little stronger.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments..

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